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6 comments:
Dear Jr,
My boyfriend of 8 months loves me but he cheated on me twice. His excuse was he was drunk and it just happened. I can't trust him now and always want to know where he's at and what he's doing, and we fight about it. He turns it around on me and makes me out to be the bitch. What should I do? Should I wait and let it pass or dump him before it happens again?
Your question:
Dear Jr,
My boyfriend of 8 months loves me but he cheated on me twice. His excuse was he was drunk and it just happened. I can't trust him now and always want to know where he's at and what he's doing, and we fight about it. He turns it around on me and makes me out to be the bitch. What should I do? Should I wait and let it pass or dump him before it happens again?
Answer:
"Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."
Unfortunately, the old cliche that people don't change is usually true. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
One time is bad enough, although, depending on the relationship, forgivable. But twice is unforgivable. That's a decision only you can make.
The fact he used the "drunk" excuse proves he is trivalizing the cheating, as though that is acceptable. Sober or drunk,there's no excuse for cheating.
You have every right to distrust him. And his turning it around and putting it all on you as being the "bitch" only proves he is a master of manipulation and control.
This is a sign how your relationship and/or marriage will be from this day forward. He cheats, he uses excuses, he turns it around on you making it your fault.
If that is what you are willing to settle for being with him-- then get used to it. It won't change, but only escalate.
I suggest you take this as an early warning sign now, and gt the heck out of this relationship and run.
There are decent men out there that will not disrespect you by cheating and belittling you, and lie to you with excuses.
Cut your losses and go find a decent guy.
Good luck,
JR
my 3 year anniversary with my bf kyle is coming up very soon. i want to do something special and non sexual. im only 17 and want to remain a virgin. he isn't but waits for me. i just don't know what to do for it, and what to give him. i was thinking about having sex, but i want to wait till we get married, or at least live together. but i was thinking about moving forward. we have only used our hands, but i was thinking about more than that but less than sex, it's hard for me to say it but... head. how do i do that and please him at that same time.
First of all, using your hands, or even oral, is all sex, just not intercourse.
Don't give into the whim of a 3 year anniversary to have sex now. That's ridiculous.
It's not up to you to "please" him just because it's "your" anniversary. It's up to him too.
What would please both of you on a joint 3 year anniversary? Something special for both?
And why not let him come up with the idea.
Why doens't he get resevervations at a romatic resturaunt that you always wanted to go to but never could afford? Why hasn't he planned something special in advance himself?
Why alis it all on your shoulders?
I say leave it up to him-- then get mad when he doesn't plan anything at all.
Sex is for marriage and you've held on this long so it's not an option.
Any dude that would take that as a 3 year anniversary gift is a jerk.
Ok my friend just turned 15. last yr. she was a little over weight, in aug. (when we returned to school) she looked great she lost a few pounds. however she was still losing weight until she is basicly skin and bones. in dec. her parents took her to a doctor because they suspected something. She has to go every 6 weeks for a weigh in. Every visit she weighed less, and according to her nothing felt wrong and she was eating alot and NOT throwing up. The test showed nothing either. They said if she didnt stop she would have to go to a therapist.
However, last week (Fri) she went to the stomach dr. and was put on medication. she and her bff said it was some disease that makes her throw up her food. i asked (to her BFF not her):"Is she bulimic?" She said no.
What else could it be? I mean to be frank, her BFF is very controlling and they only hang out with each other 24/7. She is hardly ever at home. She spends breaks/weekends/afternoons with her and her cousin, who is also losing wieght. She is also home alone for several hours after school and she could be doing stuff.
So basicly is there some other disease or what?
Well first of all, she is lying to you. Get that straight right here and now.
If the doctor was anything worth a doctor, he would have checked her throat and teeth. Bulimia has signs of stomach acid damage in the throat and teeth.
She is bulimic and so are her friend and cousin. They must be in a pack of helping each other do this to loose weight.
She needs help and help now.
Talk to her parents, and if you can't.... Talk to a school counselor. Talk to the school nurse.
Let an authoritive figure get with her parents on this matter and to the correct doctors and therapy.
She will literally kill herself doing this because once started it's almost impossible to stop on your own. They get a body distortion phobia and that itself causes the continued bulimia even when down to 80 pounds.
Don't just stand by and watch her blow away-- Do something.
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