What do I do?
I get really mad at my mom sometimes. Like today, my friend came over since she had to borrow a cup of baking soda, since they were baking cookies. They're more family friends, so we visit each other alot. She invited me to come over there too, and I got all ready and stuff, cleaned my room, took a shower, and i've been doing lots of things like helping with my baby brother, and stuff like that. Then I asked my mom if I could go to their house after doing all that and she said "NO"! I'm freakin' 13 years old, in a nice suburban neighborhood where nothing bad ever happens. It's daytime and people are outside mowing their lawns, walking their dogs, riding their bikes, normal stuff like that. And my mom still says "NO"! Alot of times when I wanna go over there, she says "no" and I ask her why not, and she never tells me why! She's sleeping right now since she works at night. Before she asked what if something bad happened to me... What the heck? I've been allowed to go all around my neighborhood since I was 8 years old, but it feels like now that I'm 13, she has to be more protective over me! What the heck? I tried everything and she was really mad at me when I kept asking her to go. I hate this-- she never explains why! Also for sleepovers, it's the same. She thinks "something will happen to me." I mean I'm not retarded, something could, but I dont want to waste my whole childhood without going to one of my friend's sleepovers (she doesnt want one at our house either, cause she doesnt want responsibility over other peoples kids... I mean its not like we're gonna go burn the house down!) but she's like "no," 'cuz it's her "African custom." My dad says the same too. It's so retarded. We can only sleep over at family's houses so that's not really like a sleepover. Anyway, on the subject, how can I get her to trust me more? I'm a smart girl and my friend lives near in my neighborhood, like 3 minutes away from my house by foot. And I really wanted to help them make the cookies... geez. Lots of kids my age visit their friends all the time, but my mom just wants to confine us in our house alot!!! I hate that. I barely ever get to visit my friends or go out with them to places like the movies, bowling, the mall, etc. UGHHH! I can't even go on vacations, or to theme parks with them, and their families! I mean, family is good too, but I'm just really, really, pissed right now, because I'm freaking bored.
1 comment:
You mentioned it was her "African custom" and I'm not familiar with the custom or why, but ...
... You need a sit-down with both your mom and dad, and have a serious discussion.
Tell them you need to speak to them both. (that'll get their attention!)
... Explain to them that you are a good girl and daughter,(hopefully with good grades) and 13 now, not 7 anymore.
... Explain that you've taken on more responsibilities at home with chores and siblings, therefore, you want more rewards and freedoms ...
... Explain that you have a couple of close friends (hopefully they know them well enough) and would appreciate and enjoy, spending the night at their house(s) and visa-versus, occassionally. Tell them they are more than welcomed to call her (their) parents and talk to them, ensuring it is legitimate and have their permission, and that her (their) parents will be home the entire time to supervise you all. And that while you and your friend(s) want to bake cookies, there are teens out there in the world that are running around without supervision, doing drugs, etc. and all you want is to bake cookies, watch a movie, play video games, with your friend(s) while her (their) mom(s)supervising you both!
... Offer a "check-in" time to either call home periodically, or have your friend's mom call your mom to update her that you are there and she is still supervising you.
... Ask them what they want and expect, for you to be able to do this, that will make them feel secure with it. Then arrange that.
Take baby steps first, accepting what little they allow, prove yourself and giving them time to realize "it's okay," then later, ask for another "deal" since you've proven your trustworthiness to them.
(Also tell your friend's mom about how your parents feel and their conditions to the sleep-over so she can abide by the rules for you.)
In negotiating the new deal with your parents, be sure to make them understand that you don't expect this to be given freely, but you want to earn the priveledge(s)... Passify them, humble yourself, and above all-- don't whine, threatened, stomp around demanding, and DO NOT compare yourself with everyone else and them with everyone elses' parents. That'll just piss them off.
Remain calm and humble, but reasonable, with your negotiations.
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